Tips For Dating

Dating Tips for Men

"Situations" - Tips for Dating in Dating Situations

 A Note From Alex Aldrin -

On this page I will describe a few situations I have been in on dates I have had, what happened, and how I applied what I have learned about dating in those instances.

Where I can, I will point out some principles I learned (mainly from Double Your Dating) and how I used them on these dates. These will be the "tips"...

 Situation 1 - First Date: Coffee, Dinner, Beer In My Car.

On this particular date I met a woman in a coffee shop to have a cup of coffee or tea with her. I always prefer this on the first meeting because if things don't work out you can bail out early... and if they do it is more relaxed. Also, I like to be able to talk to the person and not deal with too many distractions when first meeting them.

One of the reasons for wanting some ability to focus on the person (without it being obvious) is to be able to trust your "gut instinct". I want to be able to let them talk, watch their mannerisms, see what they bring up and how they conduct themselves etc.
(Again, this is done without "staring" at the person, and hopefully without them even really knowing you are checking them out.)

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 On the first date find a place to meet where you can pay attention to the person...
       talk to them and trust your "gut instinct".

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I have found out time and again that I will always have some important "first impressions". Later on they often turn out to be true, and sometimes very important points. So be aware on the first date... and pick a place where you can meet and pay attention.

On this first date I was standing at the counter waiting in line to order my coffee and my date came in and we met.

I told her I liked her hair (which I did... it was that short, kind of "messy" look that I like, with good coloring... obviously styled with some care and attention, but looking "ruffled").. and then I told her something like this -

"I got here a minute early and I scoped out a table over there back in the corner by the fire escape... so that I could bolt out of here quick if I wanted to make an escape after seeing you come in. But since you got here early too I guess we can sit down at one of these other tables... now that I know what you really look like in person."

I know this isn't necessarily hilariously funny, but it set the tone. It was a sort of commentary on meeting relative strangers in these situations, and that I was the one doing the judging in this case. Then there is the sort of a joking "relief" that I DIDN'T bolt, and she "passed the first test". Also, (and this is important) I said it in a kind of "kidding", friendly tone... like we were already friends and I could "confide" in her. (It wasn't smart ass, in another words... but fun.)

We stood in line together for a minute and ordered our coffee, paying separately.

We sat down at a table I picked out and talked for a while. I listened and bounced back with some of the usual banter. We talked about a fairly wide variety of subjects... not going anywhere in particular. I didn't ask the typical "is your family from around here" type of questions, but talked about dating, books, movies etc.

After a while she got up and went to the bathroom... and when she came back she sort of used one of my "lines" in this type of situation and said she was wondering whether I would be there when she got back... that she thought she might come back and find her coat there but find that I was gone.

I came right back saying, "I thought about it... and was deciding whether to take your coat with me... and then you came back just now... so I didn't really have enough time to."

So a few minutes later I asked if she wanted to go get something to eat or have a drink or something somewhere else, and she said yes she did.

This is another key point.

If I like the person and think I can sustain a conversation or good situation with them I always try to see if they want to go somewhere else and keep talking. I want to do this before the current situation gets uncomfortable or starts to die down or get "boring".

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 If things are going well suggest continuing the conversation at another location...
       make the move before things get uncomfortable where you are.

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If I don't think I can go somewhere or keep the tone "up" I will just get ready to leave and ask if she wants to meet again. Sometime this happens because the timing or situation just isn't right... again it is a call I usually make by my "gut instinct".

So we decided to go to a nearby restaurant and get some early dinner and a drink.

Of course we talked about food a bit while ordering, and I told her I didn't like seafood, and that I usually catch a lot of grief for that from people because they don't understand it. Then when the waitress was taking our order I ordered a cup of clam chowder, and she thought that was really funny... because of the inconsistency of me telling her I didn't like seafood and then turning around and ordering clam chowder.

This is another important point (I learned again primarily from David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating)... women like inconsistency... that is, in the respect of saying one thing and doing another thing. (Not being flaky, just unpredictable.)

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 If possible be "unpredictable", say one thing and do the the opposite...
       tell her you hate seafood - and then order clam chowder.

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Later after I was dating this woman for a while she referred back to this situation, so I know it was an important point... she liked the "quirkiness" of this action of mine. If you want to be more sure about being "unpredictable" you can set up some scenarios like this to use before hand in typical situations... it doesn't even really have to be totally spontaneous if you are not the spontaneous type.

We ate and joked around and talked some more... then the potentially "awkward" moment came when we needed to figure out what to do next. I asked if she wanted to get another drink somewhere else... and she said yes... so I suggested we get a six pack of beer and go to my car!

She loved that.

So we payed (separately of course... more on that in Double Your Dating, and the reasons why) and drove to the store and bought a six pack of beer. Then we pulled my car down in a parking lot facing a river and a little river "walk" where occasionally people would stroll by.

Of course we were discreet with the drinking in the car, and just sat there and talked and laughed. She said it had been years since she sat in a car drinking beer, and thought that was pretty fun.

I would note here that the point of this is that it is "unusual".

Most women (at least in a certain socio-economic level) don't go out drinking beer in someone's car on the first date. She really liked this because it was "fun" and different, and I think because there was a little element of the "risky" feel to it, in that we were sort of hiding the beer and drinking "on the sly" and just hanging around in my car while people walked by outside every so often.

Another point about this is that dates don't have to be expensive to be fun.

For the price of a six pack of beer we had a very memorable date and did something "different".

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 Dates don't have to be expensive to be fun or unusual...

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I know she always remembered this date (as did I) because of the different environment and the fun of it... kind of like we were back in high school or something.

(Note: I am NOT recommending drinking in your car, you could get arrested. Also, I DO NOT recommend drinking and driving. In our case we only had to drive about a mile back to where she was parked, and about a mile for me to go back to my place... and had not had near enough to drink to be legally intoxicated. What I am saying here is that since we were going to have a beer or two, I decided to do it in my car, rather than in a noisy, smokey bar or club somewhere.)

While we were in my care drinking a beer we had fun, looked around and talked... commenting on some of the people and things going on around us. Generally it was a relaxed environment where we could talk... and look at each other.

I found it kind of fun to lean back against the door and look over at her sort of like I was just totally "kicked back" (which I was, this just gave a body language signal of how relaxed I was).

Another advantage of being in the car like this was that it set up a perfect opportunity to kiss and "make out"... again kind of like being in high school.

In this case the woman I was with looked at me and said she wanted to kiss me.

I looked back at her and said, "You want to kiss me? You haven't even told me all about your childhood yet!"

I said this in a tone of "What?... you mean you want to make out already and I don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about you?".

She laughed and thought that was funny.
(In fact I know this is true because I forgot that I said this to her until she reminded me of it several dates later... and then I thought that was a pretty good "line" that I didn't even know I had used!)

I leaned back and made her wait.

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 When things start getting romantic... stop the flow and make a joke...
       This tells her you are not in a hurry, and like to have fun!

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I just looked at her and took another drink, looked around, and then after it seemed like I might be avoiding the situation, or that I didn't really want to kiss her... I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. I kissed her for a short time... not hard, not soft... just enough to get things started and give her a "taste"... and then stopped and leaned back again and looked at her.

She liked that.

I didn't "attack" her, I didn't kiss her "passionately" like I had something to prove or she was driving me wild. And I didn't keep on kissing her... I just did it for a moment to start things and then stopped. (Then I looked directly into her eyes to see her reaction.)

This was done purposely. I learned it is better to stop sooner rather than later, and keep the anticipation level high... as well as be unpredictable on how much will happen and how long I will keep something going in any romantic situation with a woman.

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 In a romantic situation... lean back. Don't be in a hurry...
       Be confident and take your time. Just relax, enjoy the moment, and have fun!

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After we broke the ice then we continued to kiss and make out for some time... stopping and talking every once in a while. There are some things that I did to make the kissing more interesting, and keep the anticipation level high... but I will talk about those some other time...

Before the situation got uncomfortable or awkward (meaning, to the point where I would have had to ask her to go home with me or go to her place or something) I said to her that it was "fun meeting her and that we should get together again sometime".

I was interested in her (she was good looking, interesting, and a good kisser!) so I didn't want to rush into the awkwardness of trying to "take her home" that night.

I have found that if I am interested in a woman for more than one date it pays off to wait until after the first date to be intimate with her. It increases the anticipation... and is always worth the wait in the long run.

Well, I hope this has given you a few ideas. I will have other situations and dates to describe for you in the near future... so please check back and find out more.

In the meantime, if you haven't gotten the Double Your Dating book yet, you can use the link below to get it right now. It will be the best investment in dating that you could make.

I got a lot of value and information from the Double Your Dating book... and have used it many times since.

I will be back soon,

Your Friend,
Alex Aldrin

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P.S. Do yourself a favor... buy the "Double Your Dating" e-book right away!
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